Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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