This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
