He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize