i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
