Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
