well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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