if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
