Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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