I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
MIDGETS
????
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
