I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
