if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
