Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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