i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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