We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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