what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize