Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
