are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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