oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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