I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
