I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
