Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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