Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
