u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
