I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
