you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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