Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
