We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
