this beer tastes like vomit already
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
