Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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