We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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