just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
