you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
