It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
