Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
