So drunk, too bad you don't want this
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
