Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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