A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
