So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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