before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
