she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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