Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
