Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
