You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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