tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
