for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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