theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
