i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
