youre lurking in front of me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize