I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
