i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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