The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
