One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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