Me too!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
