there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Come see our sink grown plant.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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