During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
