I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
