my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
