this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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