I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
