Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
