my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
