She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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