just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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