I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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