I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize