nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
