She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
