The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
