Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
