I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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