His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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