I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
