Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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