He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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