the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
