yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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