Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
