I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
