He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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