the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
