I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize